Mrin we miss you..........
4/05/2020
Its my mum's birthday .Due to lockdown we couldn't celebrate .But we were happy ,I was happy until
I got that phone call from someone , my world was shattered I couldn't breathe I couldn't see. I screamed and started crying I remember my mum snatched the phone from my hand and she also broke down in tears. My best friend killed himself. The person who inspired me to live and fight against all odds is dead.
I can never express how I felt then. I screamed I cried I called Hriday and asked him to take me to the hospital.I don't even remember how I went there .All I remember was panic I prayed to God please please wake me up its a bad dream. I broke down again when I saw Hriday .Slapped him screamed at him . He was crying ,I have never seen him cry.I just cant imagine how and why?????
I was shocked , there were like 4-5 people at the hospital , but Mrin was always there for everyone.
I remember calling a close friend and I told him what happened while crying .His reply was a cold "why are you crying?"
I remember Mrin giving up a lot for him. Claps!
We returned home after couple of hours , I came home called my uncle and broke down .That night hriday called me like a thousand times to make sure I was okay. But that day I realized how cruel people could be .... My phone was buzzing like hell from texts from people who wanted to know WHY? HOW?
and when I didnt reply to their texts they started blackmailing me emotionally , so I had to call them and tell them what happened. MY GOD how can you people be so cruel? I had lost my best friend , he was my family , even he was like a son to my parents.Then people started posting things about him , people who never gave a fuck about him. I remember someone posted a pic of him , it was clicked on my birthday he was sitting on my bed hugging my teddy bear , and the caption was purely political.I was so broken and irritated that I had to beg people to stop these.But they didnt listen. Why would they?
I didnt go to his funeral , first because I was terribly sick I cried all night I couldnt sleep 2nd
I would have died if I saw him like that. I remember calling Hriday when he saw him for the last time .He was crying , shaking ...... so was I.
BUT people are so nice they started posting pics of his deadbody on social medias.
I dont remember how next few days passed all I remember was crying and my head hurting and 2 of my friends calling me every hour to make sure I was okay.
Now its been 2 weeks. I cant cry anymore , I dont feel anything, I just realised that no matter what I do I cant bring Mrinmoy back.
But I have lost enough , now Im gonna hold on to those few people who actually care .
I know he loved me I couldnt love him back like a lover. But I loved him more than that , he was a part of me and he always will be. People said so many nasty things about us and I was worried ,but he wasnt.
The person who made me laugh when I didnt even want to smile , the person who protected me from every harm , the person who loved someone as selfish as me , someone who forgave me no matter what I did, the person who took my side when the world was against me is gone. But he taught me how to fight back , he warned me against toxic people. Even when he left the world he gave me a lesson , he made it clear who should I trust , and whom should I stay away from. I realized how many toxic people I believed. Mrinmoy taught me, the person I wanted the most is the one I dont need. I know peoples true colors now. Those few people who wrapped me in arms coaxed me back to reality ,I cant even express how much I love you guys. And people who showed their true colors during this time I wish you all the best.
I cant ever explain how much he sacrificed just to make me smile.Id run to him whenever I was broken.But now he is gone......
I dont know how to stop this pain , how to wake up from this nightmare!
I dont know how to live on.
Mrin you may have gone but I have heard people who love us never really leave us. I know you are out of pain now. Remember we love you , I love you , you'll always be a part of us.ALWAYS.
I can never say goodbye to you. Wherever you are just keep your ugly smile on your face.
Love people when they are near , hug them , talk to them, you never realize how much they mean until its too late. Please never take anyone for granted , its coming from someone whose keyboard is soaking in her tears. Hold on to people you love , you never know ........ If someone is laughing all the time , making people laugh all the time ask them if they are okay . Because if someone as cheerful as Mrinmoy can end himself ...........And please be kind to people when they are grieving, dont torture them for the details of how their loved one killed himself.
whatever we miss you terribly Mrin , I would do anything just to bring you back , even if its just for a moment.
From your selfish bestfriend.
